The urge to isolate myself from everyone because they're going to leave anyway <33

Everyone leaves. Everyone.

i never make the same mistake twice. i make it five or six times, just to make sure.

I don’t need therapy i need to kill people killing people would fix me being covered in blood will make me so stable and normal i promise

I don’t need therapy i need to kill people killing people would fix me being covered in blood will make me so stable and normal i promise

I don’t need therapy i need to kill people killing people would fix me being covered in blood will make me so stable and normal i promise

what's the weirdest thing an adult told you as a child?

my mom to me : if you talk to boys you’ll grow moustache

so anyway

What Jesus Wants: for humans to be considered better than dogs?? better than RATS?? better than snails?!!??

What Satan Wants: all life forms are good, wonderful; perfect

My favorite part of the Bible is when it says that whales are God’s second favorite creation after humans

these prev tags are sending me

ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?????
Kindest regards, 

South London Forever

Have I been emotionally abandoned by my parents?

Lack of interest, attachment, bonding and positive engagement

• My parent has never shown a lot of interest in what I want in my life
• My parent has told me it doesn’t matter what I want
• My parent doesn’t think much of my personality
• There’s not many (if any) parts of me that my parent likes
• My parent doesn’t do both-sided conversations with me; either I’m just a listener, or telling them exactly what they want to hear
• My parent doesn’t indulge with my opinions, experiences, interests
• My parent dismisses, argues, humiliates or ridicules my opinions, interests, dreams
  
• My parent expected me to feel and think only what they feel and think
• My parent dismisses, humiliates and argues opinions and feelings that in any way differentiate from theirs
• My parent only spends time with me if they have to, or to use me
• My parent doesn’t have activities they enjoy doing with me, we don’t have any traditions we enjoy together
• My parent doesn’t approve or praise me for the work I do
• My parent doesn’t show support when I’m trying to gain a new skill or experience
• My parent isn’t invested in me learning and developing (except if it’s for their personal gain)
• My parent makes me feel as if they’d rather not have me as child
• My parent isn’t interested in giving me compliments, hugs, attention, approval or time
• My parent convinced me I’m not important enough to have their attention
• My parent gets angry if I want their attention
• My parent blames me for wanting attention and shames me for it
• I rarely or never felt acknowledged, seen, heard and accepted by my parent
• I don’t feel valued or loved by my parent

Lack of protection

• My parent doesn’t care if other children belittle, outcast, or bully me
• My parent blames me for the getting hurt by other people
• My parent thinks I should settle my problems without involving them
• My parent dismisses me/gets angry with me if I try to tell them about scary or hurtful experiences I had
• My parent claims I shouldn’t have gotten involved in problematic situation because it’s too much for them to handle hearing about it
• My parent failed to protect me from a person who groomed me
• My parent groomed me to accept abuse and neglect as normal
• My parent failed to protect me from a sexual predator or harasser
• My parent acted as a sexual harasser or a sexual predator towards me
• My parent failed to protect me from an abusive friendship/relationship
• My parent failed to be on my side after I got hurt/mistreated/molested by a relative, teacher, or peer
• My parent failed to protect me from the abuse from the other parent/relative
• My parent subjected me to institutional abuse and claimed that I deserved it
• My parent sent me away to go thru an abusive program and claimed it was the right thing to do
• My parent knew I was getting abused, and didn’t stop it
• My parent acted as if they weren’t my parent while I was getting abused
• My parent blamed me for getting abused by another parent/family member, and accused me of causing it
• My parent doesn’t care if I get abused by another family member, as long as I don’t ask for help or speak out about it
• I don’t think my parent cares for what I’m going thru

Lack of care during stress, trauma and pain

• My parent rarely or never reassured or comforted me if I was upset
• My parent dismissed my depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, self harm
• My parent had no patience for my feelings, and didn’t pay attention to how I was reacting to a traumatic or stressful situation (moving, loss of a family member, accident, violence, trauma)
• My parent preferred if I didn’t show any big emotions and would lose their patience or snap at me if I was too vulnerable or crying
• My parent shamed me or punished me for expressing anger or rage
• My parent didn’t take care to be gentle and warm with me when I was vulnerable or hurt
• My parent didn’t offer reassurances or uplifting words when I felt hopeless or spiraled down
• My parent didn’t teach me how to deal with grief, anger, shock or pain
• My parent didn’t tolerate me expressing negative emotions
• My parent was likely to punish me for expressing negative emotions
• I didn’t feel safe showing pain or vulnerability in front of my parents
• I felt that my parents found my vulnerability repulsive to see
• I never felt safe confiding my true feelings to my parents, in fear of being dismissed or worse
• My parent prodded or humiliated my emotions of stress, fear, worry, panic, grief or pain
• I had to emotionally take care of my parents and understand how they felt if there was a stressful or traumatic situation going on

Lack of patience, kindness and compassion

• My parent expected things of me that I wasn’t interested in doing
• My parent set expectations for me that were not realistic for a child
• My parent had no patience for me to learn and expected me to know everything in advance
• My parent showed no joy in me learning, and instead berated me for not doing things good enough
• My parent had no forgiveness for my mistakes
• My parent punished me for making mistakes
• My parent had no patience for me not understanding everything at once
• My parent snapped at me or punished me for being confused or reluctant
• My parent shamed me for my inexperience, lack of knowledge, lack of skill
• My parent never invested a lot of patience or time in order to teach me something
• My parent wasn’t interested in my growth except in how it would fulfill their expectations
• My parent didn’t consider my happiness when they were setting goals for me
• My parent expected me to cooperate and act happy regardless of what I was going thru
• My parent made sure I knew my emotions didn’t matter if i didn’t accomplish what was expected of me
• My parent made me feel like I was supposed to be a robot rather than a child
• I felt like things would be better if I had no emotions at all

Lack of stability

• My parent only cared for me on specific days when they were in a good mood
• My parent would sometimes blow up and attack me for something I could usually do without being yelled at
• My parent didn’t care if I had to tiptoe around them in fear of their rage
• My parent’s rules or goalposts would change day to day; one day something was fine, another it wasn’t
• My parent would sometimes attack me for not following the rules that were never made clear to me
• My parent’s personality would change completely if they were under stress or influence (alcohol, drugs)
• My parent subjected me to experiences of domestic violence, fighting, screaming, trauma
• My parents had me witness them fighting or very hateful displays and never emotionally took care of me afterwards
• I felt responsible for their domestic situation and worried I was the cause of fighting
• My parent used to love me at some point when I was a child or successful in some area, but as the situation changed, their feelings changed, and I felt it my fault they stopped caring
• I worried I was doing something to cause my parent to not love me anymore
• I felt I was not worthy enough for my parent to feel any love towards me
• I could never be sure what to expect out of my parent, and it caused insecurity and anxiety
• My parent spent a big chunk of their life away from me, not keeping consistent contact
• My parent disowned me, or disowned me for a certain period of time
• My parent spent weeks/months/years completely unavailable to me
• My parent hid my existence and made me feel like I was a shameful secret they kept
• My parent had a life that I was never a part of and wasn’t allowed to come close to it

Lack of acceptance and threat of abandonment

• My parent compared me to other “preferable” children to tell me what I should be like
• My parent showed no interest to accept my personality, or my identity the way it is
• My parent made it clear I will be punished if I act like myself
• My parent argued against my plans and goals and tried to convince me I would never make it
• My parent made me feel as if if it would be better if I didn’t exist
• My parent convinced me it’s a crime for me to exist as I am
• My parent made me feel as if I’m the least important family member, and the family could do (or would do better) without me
• My parent told me they’d prefer if they didn’t have me
• My parent threatened to kick me out
• My parent threatened to abandon me
• My parent threatened to put me into an orphanage or a home
• My parent called or threatened to call the authorities on me
• My parent threatened they’d leave me to to fend for myself without teaching me how
• My parent made me terrified of being alone
• My parent made me feel like I will always, no matter what I do, end up all alone

 If 5 or more of these statements are true for you, or even 1 from the ‘Protection’ category, you have experienced emotional abandonment from your parent or caretaker. This experience is beyond painful and damaging for your emotional well being, and is likely to cause major issues with self love, feeling of self worth, feeling of safety and trust, developing relationships and intimacy, and mental health.

If you are dealing with abandonment issues, struggle with insecurity and trust in your relationships, and generally feel like you have a big black hole inside of you, know that this is the normal way your brain is reacting to severely painful abandonment. Your ways of coping are there in order to protect you from future abandonment, and your issues a result of many unmet needs you parents were responsible to meet. This is how anyone would feel after being abandoned. The way you’re dealing with it is not your fault, and it doesn’t mean you should be shamed or that something is wrong with you. You are trying to put your life back together after abandonment. Your brain is just trying to make sure you don’t have to experience that debilitating pain of being abandoned and left alone again.

To read more about what the opposite of emotional abandonment looks like, read ’What is parental abandonment, and what does emotional care look like’.