Me: *Explaining how my interesting personality is linked to years of trauma*
Dad: *is yelling at me*
Me: …
Intrusive thoughts: He should hit you. Tell him to hit you because you deserve it. Tell him to hit you so you can feel something other than numbness because you know you should be feeling something.
Me: Wtf
Who else is sick and tired of their parents making it seem like your entire personality is revolved around being a teenager and whatever you do is because “you’re a teenager” or “just another thing you got off the internet”?
It feels selfish to ask for basic respect.
goal in life
to be rich enough to never have to be sober again
#GOALS
i cant do this anymore i need to do hard drugs or be hit by a train
all i can think about is overdosing
before posting about drugs online, consider the following
- am i speaking from experience or from stuff i was told in anti-drug programs/messaging? what messaging have i unconsciously absorbed about drug use?
- have i fact checked this information or am i assuming it's correct because it "seems true" to me?
- what practical effect does this position have? does it increase stigma against drug users, imply they are "like children" or incapable of making their own decisions, or treat them as a class of "crazy ppl" that i can mock at will (ex. calling ppl "crackhead")?
- is this stance based on compassion or fear? reaction or response? concern or condescension?
- am i minding my own business? do i think i have the right to judge other people's behavior as healthy or unhealthy against their will?
- do i think i'm better (healthier, smarter, saner, cleaner, etc) than someone else solely because they do more or different drugs than me?
- am i treating drug use the same way i would treat other potentially harmful behaviors, or am i assigning it a special level of fear/disgust/concern because it's heroin/meth/whatever substance is particularly fear-mongered about?
I wish I could look at myself in the mirror without being disgusted at what I see. I can tell my friends to be strong and to love themselves but I can't do it myself. I feel worthless. Like I don't deserve to be loved.