I feel like my life is just a series of things happening to me completely out of my control and even if I wanted to change any of that I couldn't

I want to destroy everything. I want to ruin my life, smash glass bottles agaisnt walls, run away into the night and get in trouble, scream and yell at the top of my lungs, get into fist fights, and stand up for myself. I want to be so so angry and loud about how awful I feel that everyone realizes that I was never okay, and I was never going to be okay, and that they left me behind to suffer. But I'm too tired. I'm too tired to move, to think. I just want to lay in bed all day and ignore the world. I just slap on a neutral face and do as I'm told. I wish I could be so angry about how sick I've become, but instead I keep quietly to myself, and live another miserable tired day.

i don't wanna be a problem anymore

cant talk rn i'm busy being a danger to myself

just want a day without overthinking

weekend? more like weakened. let me rest

Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

do you ever get in those moods where you don’t know how to feel and everything kinda feels mixed up and you’re just sitting there alone in your room trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with you

why did my last two braincells had to be a sad one and a stupid one

I am not in my fucking body bro it feels like I’m on autopilot that’s malfunctioning

warning signs of a BPD episode

• you start to feel atypically upset
• you start to feel irrational anger or hatred
• you start to feel as if your emotions are taking over your rational thinking but can't do much or anything to help it
• you start to zone out of reality, can be both physically and mentally
• you start to see your favourite person as malicious
• you start to hyperfocus on your emotions or can't focus at all
• you start to think nobody does and will ever understand you
• you start to feel extremely restless and fidgety
• you start to feel hopelessly pessimistic
• you start to feel intense paranoia over abandonment
• you start to feel urges to do impulsive, atypical things
• you start to crave chaos in the moment

note that this may not be the same for everyone! this is just my own experience and a few others'.

Being mentally ill is a full time job

Hate that I can physically feel when my mental illness gets bad

i really hope i dont wake up tomorrow.