“I no longer know If I wish I to drown my self in love, vodka or the sea.”

— Franz Kafka

dude was shitposting centuries ago

person : how are things?

me :

Sorry for dissappearing, my daydreams took me and I feel like I blacked out for the past to months. But I will return now.

i finally understand that no one will ever need me as much as i need them

My toxic trait is feeling unwanted and removing myself first so I don’t feel rejected

Me: I am making up everything. I don't have depression, anxiety or cptsd, I'm probably just doing it for attention and mocking people who actually have these things.

My ten years old self who didn't even know about the existence of mental illnesses: *thinks about how nice it would be to not exist, is on the way to an anxiety attack around my parents, daydream about running away constantly*

i hate when people say, "you need to forgive to heal/move on". no I do not. that motherfucker doesn't deserve my forgiveness + you can't forgive someone who's not sorry. they were supposed to protect me but instead they permanently damaged me. they do not deserve my forgiveness.

When people say “ you have to move on “, “ forgiveness is the key “, “ life will go on “ I personally feel like I’m gonna punch them in the face. 

You cannot move on from trauma. It destroys your physical health, your mental health, your world, it gives you higher chances to die young. Trauma. Can. Not. Be. Something. You. Just. Move. On. People don’t get it but when they say that it’s because they want us to shut up. They want us to be all happy, strong, because they don’t want to see. 

They don’t want to see victims. They don’t want to see abusers. They don’t want to see how this world is messed up and they don’t want to see all its problems. They don’t wanna have their perfect illusion about life wrecked. 

There’s no moving on. Nobody can give us orders about how to deal with what they haven’t gone through. We deal with it as we FUCKING WANT. And as we FUCKING CAN. People don’t always have access to therapy, medical centers, hospitals, support from friends and family, help. If you tell me “ move on “, okay then give me your credit card and you will pay the 8000$ bill for my therapy. 

 I’m sick of it. 

every week i say "this is the worst fucking week of my entire life"

Oh my god I'm a wreck